Empty nest (pre)

At the start of blogging, I had asked for ideas to write on.  Well, of course, someone would give me one that is complexed for me.  Write about empty nest.  Hmm, this should be fun.  You see, empty nest is quite different for me.  I am not your normal empty nester.  As I call my usual, life happened.  


Most households with both parents, share this experience.  Well, God had other ideas for me.  You see, as our babies last year of high school was complete and the festivities of the celebration of a great accomplishment was over, my other half went home.  It was sudden and shocking.  Our children were grown with the oldest being 23 and the youngest 18, some of the empty nesting had begun.  I had taken that experience much better before this event.  After, well let’s just say the beginning of that time is a fog.  


Before, the older 2 were out on their own. The 3rd in line, was away at college, 7 hours from home. The 4th one was completing high school with the youngest twins.  So I would say I was in the mid section of this particular syndrome.  I was doing very well with it.  I had the mindset that if they are ok, they would not be calling mom.  Dad, on the other hand, made sure they were fine daily. Making sure the necessities are met and if they were not, he took care of them.  


On the day all of our lives changed, I flipped.  I had to have them all around me.  I understood the 3rd one was still in college.  The baby of the family was going 10 hours the other direction to college.  How do I breathe with this?  I did not realize how much I relied on my husband to keep up with the kids’ wellbeing.  The emotional ties were hard for me.  I’m way to deep to let my emotions take control.  I’m a work alone, focus on the major needs, not the mental ones.  Guess what, that all changed too.  Even though many miles away, we were all together for the holidays.  At which time, the youngest came home for good.  Yes, one down, one to go or so I thought.  


Moved into the new, big house.  All were home.  My plate is full and I’m at peace because I know where they are and how they are.  It lasted a short while.  Maybe too short for me but I believe Gods timing surpasses mine.  The 4th child went 7 hours away after the 3rd finished and came home.  I thought well that will be ok, I still have the rest.  Guess what? Another change.  


That next January the baby of the family got married.  She is moved out and on with her grown up life.  I didn’t realize how hard that would be.  To be happy and sad all at once.  Such an array of emotions all over from all of my kids and me.  A life milestone passed with a major part missing in our presence.  My new norm is catching up on me. Now I will cling tightly to the rest at this point, oh and wait, I need to find my missing piece.  And I put my blinders on and drove smack dab into another change in my life.  


I did not move out but I began to replant myself somewhere else. Looking for a way out of the pain and hurt I was feeling.  Now I realize it was called being selfish.  Here I was fighting against what I love holding in, my feelings, and hiding into self-destruction mode.  At this point, I put myself into a place where I did not have to deal with an empty nest.  I left it most of the time anyway. I didn’t care about myself at this point because I was going to do as I wanted, not as I needed.  


You know what, life happened again.  This was an impacted to my soul.  My 4th in line came home from college and the rest were here, home, where I belonged.  My empty nest was full no matter where I thought I was.  It was another tragedy unwanted, but again Gods timing is not mine.  He will have it His way.  During this point in time, I learned a lot about myself and each of my children.  I started to see what my life needed.  Where was my guidance leading me? 


Just a bit before the 3-year mark, most of my children have moved out and on their own.  One child still here for just under a month, then I will be a true empty nester.  It is a lot different now.  Going from a family of 8 people to now 3 living here, it is so quiet.  I am not sure it will be hard for me at this point because I do have a mindset that my kids will succeed and be where God wants them.  I have seen such peace with knowing they are following their dreams and lives with His guidance. I know some parents really emotionally break down, I believe my husband would really have a hard time since he was always right there in their faces first thing in the morning.  He always talked to them home or away.  


So I will admit, the thought was so hard at first, which is why I bought a big house.  Now, I am ok with it.  I know we raised them right and they will be ok.  I think we lose focus on the things we taught our children and fear for them.  We want to protect them and shelter them. We can’t.  We have to let go and let them grow.  For me, it took 3 years, many tears, several changes and growing up myself to get to this step. 3 years ago, I would have been all alone.  As much as I love my alone time, I would have drowned in silence.  Now, I have someone to share my alone time with and all of my children moved out and on with their lives, I am hopeful and excited to see where this journey leads me.  Besides, it is time to have fun and experience life with my grown children, creating new memories.  Empty nest is not the monster some think it is.  Live life, every step of it. 


RES


#poem  #poetry  #blog

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