I feel the vial again. From the news today, I feel all the pain of the past 3 years, washing over me. I am fighting as hard as I can but it seems to be catching up. I don’t want any of it. this is not about me. I need to be strong for his bride. She needs all the love right now. Her life as she has grown to love, shattered and broken. Her hell has just begun, She needs all the backing she can get. The fog is coming and it will be a while before the memories return. This is nothing I would wish upon my worst enemy. Pain so piercing, the thought of breathing becomes an issue. Forget about sleep. There is something haunting about living in rewind. The nightmares, burning into your mind over and over. Wondering if you will ever be “normal” again. Sadly, no, you are forever, changed.
His mom, how she must be feeling is one I do not want to even imagine. I have not lost a child, so I have no idea how it feels. The strength she will need. My heart breaks for her. I would love to take it and put it into a rocket and send it out and away from her. It hurts knowing I can not touch that pain because it is not mine. I can only take in her words. Give her my shoulder to lean on, an ear or whatever her needs are. His dad, the man who taught this man so many things. The siblings, it will never be the same. Memories are all that is left.
There’s something to be said about family during the most tragic of times. It does not matter how divided we are on topics. Doesn’t matter who hasn’t spoken to who in a long time. Family is family. You come together and help each other and lift each other, hold the family together. Be the crutch for those so weak to walk. These are trying times, grief takes hold and refuses to let go and this journey is a life long one. We need each other to get thru every little step.
So as I end this blog, remember everyone gets hit with life many lows. You never know what the next second holds, so please always tell your loved ones how you feel. Be there. Not everyone will ask for it, but we all need it. Much love
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