Change, it comes in many forms. The weather, a job, homes, relationships, just to name a few. It is a normal, every second necessity in our lives. Yet, it causes fear, anxiety, and confusion amongst the best of us. We become paralyzed, sick, irritated or completely shut down. Or, if you are fortunate, you flow with it without hitting every rock along the way.
For me, I collapse into a world formed with walls that become unbreakable. The vial inside surfaces in the form of evil. Words spew out, killing the bonds of relationships, brick by dirty brick. All while my comforting cave claims the deep emotions. Forget about trying to talk to me. That’s an atom bomb waiting to happen. I have had my share of change but in the form of life. Yes, I can hide, like I try to, but it always comes full circle. My change comes with a side of anxiety, sugar coated with sprinkles of depression. It is a battle I fight every day. Close family and friends know me well enough to help me crawl through the deep puddles I fall into. But I also rely on outside counsel.
Many people think of it as such a bad thing. Think about it, how many “normal” people are really walking among us? Give up? None, that’s right I said it, none. Not too many will admit they need the extra push to get through their battles. I am not ashamed. I could pour my heart and soul out to my close friends, mom, sister, hell kids for that matter but what would it really help. Nothing, because they can not possibly give you a non-bias opinion. They will, most likely, take your side, even if you are wrong.
So in my life of changes, I have incorporated an outside source to help me cope with myself. But now, I have a little friend who has attached herself to me. Her name is menopause. She brings hot flashes, foggy brain, sometimes sleepless nights, oh and the best of all, little spawns of satan. My mother warned me about this nasty change, as well as my Dr who did my hysterectomy. I saw her once at my parent’s home but I didn’t believe she would unpack and stay for a while. She has forgotten where the front door is located.
This particular change has set me on a different path than I wanted to settle on. Irrational with not only my children but my love. How can I make him happy when all he sees and hears is raw sewage from me? Talk about trying times. Nothing like a new love with a side of here, let me mess this up in one look with strong words which will make your grandmother drop to her knees begging God for your forgiveness. Oh, the journeys.
Here I am sitting within my change. Taking on mother nature at her best and I will fight to keep my relationships whole. I will continue with my outside counsel because I have to keep my brain on my side. As I have for several years now, it will be a one second at a time step. Change is inevitable but it does not have to be evil. Bring on your change menopause. I vow, one day while holding the hand of my love, I will flow past every evil word and thought. I will be laughing and living life to the fullest as I am changing for the better.