Happy, Is Where I Will Be

Noticing life’s purities can flip your mind into another direction faster than lightening. Being stuck in the pits of depressions quicksand can create a mess even outside of your own personal space. It can add the extra beings of others where you believe your freedom is closed into. Only to find the moment you begin to heal from the inside out, all the obstacles pulling you down into the world of turmoil and despair in the shape of false feelings latching upon your spirit. You get the best sword around and release their stronghold.  Finally, your world of negative wonders burst into rays of joy forming sounds of happiness. 

It was definitely a scary step to jump into when I opened up my doors and let years of hurt release from inside myself. Many moons I have allowed the vines of life to corrode the locks shut and swallow any keys around. When all my resources fell away, I had no choice. It was me against myself and the only enemy involved was that middle-aged woman staring back at me. I had to face her head on and forget about all my hiding places. This turn scared me really bad until I heard “You are never alone”. 

Of course learning how to adjust from a house of two or more for over two decades leaving one to endure the morning sun alone has created a sense of oneness deep down. I tried to fight the feeling of moving into my own direction tearing apart anything standing in my path to happiness. Granted, I grabbed everything I could to mask the inevitable outcome but in the end, I had to dive in and hold on for the ride. I do admit the first few days had me reaching for another, fearing the outside view. I became one with my chair. 

The silence was more than golden, it was sweet nectar to my ears. Being able to have a thought and play it out with no distractions was such an invigorating experience I never thought I would enjoy. Yet I am now finding myself longing for the moment I get to talk to myself. Seeing how the blessing which comes my way every chance it can, smiles and runs as if the world were the perfect place between peace and harmony. These blessings I had somehow fought against all this time. Now, I feel the happiness piece by piece in my soul. 

Of course, this is not a finished product due to an overwhelming build of life’s choices needing to get the stamp of completion. I have made the commitment to myself to step aside and allow the forgiveness of me to come through. Many things I had left behind are spreading wings and flying away with each hurt and pain I had trapped. It is now a new time for life to be enjoyed and allow the living side of myself to come out and play. Here I am with the new yet old me changing the destiny others may have seen coming to a new playground of love, joy, and happiness. I am snapping the mental pictures with each taste of the new sound playing upon my heart. It’s my choice and happy is where I will be. 



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