Have you ever stopped to look around at the world and wonder when will it all slow down to take in every second you breathe? If you are anything like me, you can see we live in an “I want it right now, society”. Sadly this holds true for every turn of events in every walk of life. Jobs, houses, cars, relationships. Yes, mainly relationships.
Today meeting someone is right at the tips of our fingers. I will say after being “off the market” for 23 years of my life, this was a scary thought. Depending on your personality, you will meet someone either online, at an event like a bar or trip or whatever the case maybe but how fast did you want to know everything about that person immediately? For me, that feeling came on instantly.
The negative, yet positive feeling lead me into a few rough spots in this life. I decided it was time for me to take a break. Take me time and learn who I am and what I want for my future in every aspect. Lots of tears, digging, laughing and learning later, I found myself, alone. But I was not alone. I see the value of happiness deep down and so I moved forward into trying again mode.
As to my surprise, not, the old familiar feeling was coming around again. So I listened to a different voice and began to hear the words from the person on the other side. Meeting a few with whom many friendships have formed, but this precious time is so different. I can see now why the rush of the need to know instantly, is so much more in-depth and soul-gripping than ever. Well worth the time put in.
On life’s journey, I have many times where I thought I wanted to check out. As another year ends, I pondered on my life from a full 365 days view. Let me tell you, I am very proud of where I am right now.
You see the beginning of 2017, I was so deep in self-pity, I could not see the fullness of myself because I allowed the clouds to rain down on me. I thought all my of mistakes were my final destination until the moment I realized I either sit in the mess and wallow forever. Or I wake up and learn the lessons and what I am not doing to change them. Life had slapped me in the face. I woke up.
I realized my potential lies in my own belief of who I really am. It was not about who I was or who I wanted to be. It was about being the person who longed to be seen in the face of a world full of negativity. I didn’t want to be conformed to that pain. I wanted to learn how to walk beside the painful situations, grab the hands and pull them into a positive light where despair made hope feel so far away.
This did not come easy. Many storms raged within me and so many tears shed with thoughts of quitting but I was on a determined mindset. I will see these changes as my blessings. Believe me, the transition was not a pleasant one. I had moments where I wanted to retreat but I decided those were the times I had to push harder and stronger.
I reached the top of my hurdle, I found the highlights to keep me red zoning forward. Life was not going to rip me apart anymore. I will have my bumps in the road but I will put it in four-wheel drive, bog down and keep going. I look for the sparkles in my future and realize I am living for the now. I am going to do everything with a positive view.
As the new year has just begun, I feel so happy with how far I have come. Seems like so much time was in pain but to be on the shinier side of things is really helping me see all the blessings I have always had and the new ones who appeared at the right time. I will now view that changes are blessings. Some will be just clearer to see up front, the others will teach me the values.