Precious Time

Have you ever stopped to look around at the world and wonder when will it all slow down to take in every second you breathe? If you are anything like me, you can see we live in an “I want it right now, society”. Sadly this holds true for every turn of events in every walk of life. Jobs, houses, cars, relationships. Yes, mainly relationships.

Today meeting someone is right at the tips of our fingers. I will say after being “off the market” for 23 years of my life, this was a scary thought. Depending on your personality, you will meet someone either online, at an event like a bar or trip or whatever the case maybe but how fast did you want to know everything about that person immediately? For me, that feeling came on instantly.

The negative, yet positive feeling lead me into a few rough spots in this life. I decided it was time for me to take a break. Take me time and learn who I am and what I want for my future in every aspect. Lots of tears, digging, laughing and learning later, I found myself, alone. But I was not alone. I see the value of happiness deep down and so I moved forward into trying again mode.

As to my surprise, not, the old familiar feeling was coming around again. So I listened to a different voice and began to hear the words from the person on the other side. Meeting a few with whom many friendships have formed, but this precious time is so different. I can see now why the rush of the need to know instantly, is so much more in-depth and soul-gripping than ever. Well worth the time put in.

RES

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I Am The Fixer

Have you ever looked inside yourself to see what your true potential is regarding everyone else in your world? During the hardest times, I have tried to find myself. I wondered what is it that makes me tick. What is it I look for in others and why? I will admit, it has been a very traumatic experience due to wanting to feel that happiness which surrounds me at every point in time. So what is really the issue with me?

After a couple of bad relationships, adding a few new friendships, as well as talking to a few who knows me inside and out, I am a fixer. Yes, I finally admit it. I like to fix others. I like to show them the view from my eyes. Help them reach their full potential. Sadly, this had to lead me down roads with trenches so deep, I had slipped into them many times. When I reach up, I find no hand around. I had to decide if this is the world I want to be a part of.

Yes, it is. After a lot of reflecting on what happiness means and the value of real love, I want to see the joy in others where I have helped them overcome the obstacles they view as their ending marks. I want to fill my soul with the mindset of knowing I was a difference that helps them push forward with not a handout, but a hand up. A big piece of the puzzle many passes by every second of their life.

As I look back through my life, I can see I have always been a fixer in some way or form. I had always looked at it as weakness. I felt so miserable watching others find their joy and thinking what about me. When really, I was a big part of their light coming thru. I had seen the value where others only have seen the failures and disappointments. Chalking these people as lost causes. Using the judgment of their mistakes as a final call for a finished life. So not the truth.

You see, when I meet a broken soul, I look for the tiny glimmer of light and attach myself to that point in time. So many times our failures rule our lives and everyone will show you exactly what you are doing wrong, not many are willing to show you what you are worth and what you are doing right. Granted, some are beyond the point and love their despair and refuse to fix the issues, most are not. Those are the ones I seem to find a lot.

So even though I have my times of hurt and darkness, those mini lights are the very moments that bring me to the forefront of what my purpose is in this life. I am learning my happiness is found within myself and helping to fix others in ways no one else would, is the very seed of what real true love is supposed to be. It is being the one true person when the corner smacks them in your face. I am embracing my gifts and finding all the shining stars that have not yet faded.

 RES

Forever My Bestie

I find the word friend is used way too loosely in today’s society. As a woman who has a hard time making new friends due to such selfishness that surrounds me, I have come to realize I could have lost the one true friend I had known pretty much my whole life.

This amazing woman I met at the age of 10. In the neighborhood, there were 4 of us who were always together in some way or another even amongst moving to different cities. But when life happened it seemed as tho I walked away very quickly. Taking on my life and choosing to only view my world in front of me.

At the moment, I was not thinking of the different changes that I would endure. I never gave those memories a forefront in my mind. I have always kept in touch as to keep those who have known me my whole life in a very small loop. Until one day, my world collapsed.

Reaching out, of course, all 3 were very supportive and I reconnected in a way I should not have been surprised had occurred. All the old memories came rushing back and the laughter was still the same. Giving me a true understanding of what a friend really meant.

I do continue to communicate with these childhood friends even though we are states apart. But the one who has known all my ins and outs has stepped right back into the best friend world I had long forgotten. I had missed this for so long without even knowing this woman has always seen the real me.

Of course, I love each one of my close friends very much, but this one holds such a strong connection without judgment of any of my flaws. Each time we talk, whether months apart or just hours, it is a pick up right where we left off moment. As if we know exactly the words of advice we need to hear. From crying to laughing to serious thoughts of what to do and how to get there.

This very beautiful, exquisite woman has walked beside me for so long, I don’t have to say a word and she gets it. She allows me to make my pit stops and fall flat on my face all while holding my hand and encouraging me to get up, dust myself off and move on. She gives me the confidence to see myself in a view I only longed to block. She gives me the strength to stand up straight and fight for what I need in my life, not just the wants.

Her strengths have always been a vision I had always dreamed of because of how many times I had watched her crumble. Her ideas, although maybe hard for me to understand, have always helped me see the other side of my own views. Her life has always been a very strong hold for me to look upon and be very happy in a world that would utterly shatter another.

This is the friendship that had formed so many years ago, even though life happened, I still consider her the best friend I ever have had. I may hold value to those I call my friend but she will always be my go-to girl no matter what issues I am faced with. Even with each of having our own lives and our own circle of friends, I know she has, is and always will be my forever bestie.

 

(I love you always and forever Shell…. MLDY)

 

RES

 

 

 

Being A Lifeline

What is with all the hidden agendas going on in the world today? Is everyone so completely broken where the need to dump their issues onto another takes precedence over being true? I find the fakes outweigh the real nowadays and it is a bit scary and overwhelming. As a teenager, I realized the insincerity of others and chose to make my decisions wisely regarding friendships. As an adult, I am very thankful I did.

Meeting new people has never been an easy task for me and still stands true today. Now as a single woman in a world full of pain, it seems to have only grown worse. But one thing, I can see the mask in front of those who really need just one small ray of hope to help pull them out of their fears. Where most of the time, I would not entertain the thought of any more than just a respectful, nice to meet you and continue on my way.

Seems to me all those who really want to be genuine and happy have been treated like a second rate alien. This only brings the unpleasantness to the surface leaving the true values in the wind. I am learning to see the damage inside and maybe in some small act of kindness, I can help this broken shell find their real place in this world. Listening to the words not spoken between the actions that show great compassion.

I have heard a leopard never changes its spots. Where this may be a very justifiable and true statement, what if the spots were actually rays of sunlight clouded by many of life’s disappointments? I get it, there are so many who have the I am not wrong and will never change. But that leaves behind maybe the one who so long ago got lost and bitter yet looking for a way out.

These are the few I have come across. The ones with whom my heart has told me to stay focused, they have the real value. Maybe hidden and damaged but with the help of someone else can be restored to the pure joy they were always meant to share and truly be. Just the one who has been in the quicksand of their own lives and the rope has always been just a bit out of reach. Against my normal behavior and with my own personal damages, I am finding that rope could be their own saving grace.

So at the end of the day, when all I have done is put to rest. Even with a life of a circle so small a pinpoint doesn’t even fit into it when it comes to letting anyone in my realm, I am taking a few leaps of faith to help the tiny lights to learn they are still very much worth a lifetime of happiness. I know I can not save everyone and most don’t want to be. But to those who have somehow touched my heart, I want to be the lifeline they need with words to show them it will be worth it all but you have to let go of what was and become who you really are.

 

RES

 

Broken Souls

In the midst of a world full of evil and confusion, so many genuine souls get hurt and tormented. The brokenness of those who see nothing wrong with their own actions tends to pour into those who actually care. Which in turn destroys trust, self-esteem, loyalty, and value.

Broken souls fall into their darkness creating a web of lies that hold the truth from the light. Believing if they continue on the track of destruction, they will be able to tarnish the goodness of those they claim to love. Here’s the thing, broken souls do not even love themselves so how can they love anyone else.

Loving a broken soul is one of the most self-sacrificing, heartbreaking, bitter leading acts of love that only leads to confusion and pain. Seeing the light way down maybe a good sign to help them but only if they can grasp a hold of it and reach your hand to help guide them back to the real world.

Sadly, most times that hand gets sucked into the pits of despair and anguish. The cesspool of filth that binds the lies, pain, darkness will always hold them back until they can see their own value. No matter how hard the true one tries, the broken will only see their own hurt and pain. Their actions will show the pain on the outside.

Wanting to help the broken soul is normal but learning this person has to fix themselves is the hardest part. Guidance can only be given if the broken is willing to accept their own pain and fix it. Never give yourself full up for someone never willing to fix themselves. Your real love and value are within yourself. Happiness will only come from deep down. Protect it and the right one will truly show you.

 RES

 

This Too Shall Pass

My whole life, I have always been the person who had very few friends and of those even fewer close. So to even consider a person to be in the tiny close circle in my mind means you know almost every little detail of my life. You have seen each mood of me, depths of almost to the bottom. A site I kept out of view for most that surround me including family members.

These few have surpassed a level many of my friends have never been able to cross into no matter the years of knowing them. I am not as open as many may believe I am. Sadly making the mistake that a friendship would last forever seemed to be evident for one particular person for me. I have known them for over 2 decades and losing a friendship that close and strong shatters my core. I always believed this one would always be but I was proven wrong.

Problem is I allowed myself to be hurt in this situation because I opened way too much and even though a friend is supposed to open up. Come on now, who really believes that. We all only have a few if that, with whom we are really “best” friends with knowing no matter what, thick and thin. Friends for life. But I guess every now and then, a huge hand will slap your face and leave an imprint of the face of that one who you never thought would be that person. I am not that “open” friend to everyone. Despite what anyone thinks.

My family even thinks they have ideas of how much of me they know. Sadly, so many out there have a big misunderstanding of my world but I like it that way. Point being here is if I have told you at one point or time how close you are to me, please understand that statement comes with a very high expectation of your character in my eyes. I carry a sense of pride inside of those with whom knows things about me others only run their mouths creating lies to spread. Of course, I let them. I could care less. It is those I truly care for and let in my world who steps out.

Please do not get me wrong. I totally understand the reasoning to a degree but I also know it will never happen again. I forgive, I will remember all the hours of talks, laughter, tears, smiles, memories we shared but I will always stay clear from this moment on. Friend is a word many uses so freely, I will still choose not to. I will still carry a very strong meaning for each one I have. For me, this too shall pass.

RES