Heres just a piece of what I try to explain so that maybe others will understand what I mean when I say I want to find someone to hang with. Of course at this stage of the game finding “the one” would be sweet but I have faced it. I am not ready for that at all. But I do miss the person sitting across the room with me. Nothing but talking and laughing. Being able to share a moment of the things which is our common interest.
This point in time was not a vision I had put upon my plate. The friends or my extended family I have surrounding me are all a part of my life before my shoe size changed. I have always been a very private person as far as making friends outside of the family. Those I do have are formed on very strong grounds and lots of history. The ones I will call newer are within the last 10 years of my life. I do have a very hard time making them because I like being alone, well to a point.
This is where my husband came in. He brought all my new friends home and finally they were the ones I bonded with. I love each of them so much and cherish every memory created and to come but as I am with all of them, they are with that hang out buddy. Same with my grown children. All have stepped into adulthood in one form or another which makes my heart light up with such joy but it does leave me missing my old days. Usually, those thoughts bring tears to my eyes. I do not make friends easy no matter where I go.
I will admit the new way of meeting others is very convenient but it is also scary as hell. I like to watch others as they are in my view. The way they told to each other, can they hold eye contact. The facial expressions. You really can not do that based on a picture off of a site. I mean come on. It is also very draining because no matter what you are looking for on any site, any gender, or age group, explaining “friends” to what you think are grown individuals who seem to have a completely different view. Exhausting.
I have met a couple of great people and yes, I admit a few who flew out of the coo coo’s nest. The real deal here is I see it. I learned from it and I know exactly where I am right now. So while I talk about things I want to do and how I would love to have that single friend out there I can call up and say “let’s go” with or happens to come over and hang a few days. Because that is the companionship I miss the most. The laughter, the funny language, the crazy stories. All of that type of a connection. I am ready to have many laughing experiences out at a live band, watching a game on tv, movies, going to a party or just simply making each others day with a short text. That is what this single white female is lacking.
So please understand as you are looking across the room at that one who can look right at you no matter where you are, what your status to each other are or even the mode you are in. If you have that one, I don’t have it. I am missing that link. First time in my life, I am seeing the opening for that spot which has been filled for my whole life with someone. Their season has passed and a new season is coming.